Tag Archives: Amadeo

Apr17

wandering in the dark

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For three years we have had our house on the market.  I was going to write that we had been trying to sell it, but that would not be exactly true.  We love our home.  We have actually, probably been trying to avoid selling it.  But the time has truly come when it is not avoidable.  It has to happen.  Soon.

That has thrown me into a chaos of terror and sorrow.  Pam said that maybe the problem is that neither of us could imagine anything better.  So moving forward feels bad.  Feels like loss and capitulation and more loss.

On top of that, I need to find a new home for Amadeo, the beautiful, talented, complicated Andalusian that I no longer ride.  I want a horse-mommy or daddy for him that is a good, kind, wise fit.  Deo and I have have a terrifically long, fraught relationship.  Bottom line, I love him, but I am not a good rider for him, and he has a strong desire to do his work.  So hello out there . . .

With all of this turmoil, there is this: in order to move forward, I have to make a picture of something delicious, inviting, hopeful.  I cannot do that at the moment.  But I can imagine doing it, and that is a beginning.

 

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Jan19

on not figuring it out

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Photo:  Claire Glover

Amadeo is my talented, complicated 17 year-old Andalusian gelding.  I have had him since he was 8, when I imported him from Spain.  He has never been an easy ride for me, and about six months ago, he made the decision that he did not want me to ride him.  To be more specific, he decided that only Brandi Rivera, his very talented trainer (and mine) should ride him.  We confirmed all of this with an animal communicator. She told us that he wanted to show off his skill and beauty, which includes the gorgeous flying changes, pirouettes and half passes that he is doing.

Brandi is now pregnant and not riding.  So Amadeo, this brilliant and opinionated horse, is unemployed.  And because he is not turned out with another horse because he can get rambunctious, he is both unemployed and lonely.

My happiest scenario for Amadeo is that someone would love him, like to lease him and enjoy riding and spending time with him. Deo loves to work – he enjoys that connection with himself and a rider – he is just very specific about how that looks and feels.  I love him, but I am not that rider – something that has taken me some time and some tears to accept.  If you are interested in meeting Deo, you can see him here, and follow that contact information.

My challenge in all of this is to not obsess about figuring out what will happen next for Deo.  To not focus on what is making me unhappy, but to feel my way toward a beautiful outcome for both of us.  And to keep all of that general, because getting specific creates more thinking, more working at it, more obstacles.