Photo:  Pam White;  Sculpture:  Gillian Jagger

I am stepping back into the world of horseless dance.  Like Gillian’s sculptures, the ground beneath my feet is marked with hoofprints, indelibly changed from spending fourteen years dancing with horses.  But at this moment, the theater calls.

Besides the time in the studio, besides the dancing, the dreaming, the focusing inward, there is also the parallel underworld of fundraising and booking.  I am trying to make friends with that world.  Not by sucking up to it, but by noticing if there is a way in which it can support me, in which I can offer my work without losing my mind and my soul.I think there is, but viewing myself through that lens can make me question everything about what I am quietly, wildly exploring in the studio.

I went online to one big funding site and looked at a long video of choreography by recipients.  There I found Michelle Ellsworth, whose work so delighted me that I Googled her further.  She is a gorgeous mover, a witty performer and exactly the kind of person I would like to hang out with for an afternoon at Starbucks.  I watched some of her videos online, and this one gave me pause.   What I found intriguing and disturbing was how easily I was convinced that what I had been working on was, in fact, a bad idea.

It isn’t really.  But doubt is the demon that besieges artists, my quicksand of choice.  It is the outfit I wear when I am filling out grant applications, or even thinking about it.  It is the great derailer.  So check it out, if you dare.

MV 103: You Had A Bad Idea from michelle ellsworth on Vimeo.