when i feel like this

Pam White

Today was one of those days when I felt like this:  a disgruntled, over-wattled bird.  Maybe it is the backwaters of the out-of-control turbulence that I have experienced this summer – the feeling of having been taken off my feet again and again until I simply could not find a footing.  Sort of like the sad silliness of the Republican convention, or Hurricane Isaac, or some terrible confluence of both along with a really ugly Mercury retrograde.

In any case, I could not get it right today.  What to do? My favorite disembodied spiritual guru, Abraham, says that s/he would do anything to get into a state of appreciation.  Sometimes appreciation is eel-like – slippery and elusive.  What I find is that I cannot push into appreciation, or make a nice little appreciation list, or should myself into appreciating something, anything.

What is working as I write this is just sitting for a moment, quietly, and letting something find me.  Something simple.  Something small.  Starting, right now, with that I can take a full, deep breath.  Then noticing my cat, Obadiah’s ears flick as he sits like a bread loaf and studies a fly on the floor.  And so on.

Where do you start?

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4 Responses »

  1. This is going to sound so trite, and I do not mean it that way. It is, pure and simple, how I get to the point of appreciation (if I can clear myself enough from the problems of the ‘now’ to even THINK of looking for something to appreciate)!

    I immerse myself in the memory of the feelings I had when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. In comparison to that moment, anything other than that becomes a point of appreciation. And then I move forward from there.

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